Moonbats Over Manhattan

As the leaves of summer assume the brilliant hues of fall, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, the moonbats have swarmed into Manhattan. As many of you may have heard by now, a loosely organized group calling themselves Occupy Wall Street has been protesting, oddly enough, Wall Street. Having spent last weekend immersed in a variety of sporting events, I was only vaguely aware of their protest on the Brooklyn Bridge. Fortunately, a number of my friends have drawn my attention to this burgeoning “movement”, so I decided to check them out. Here are a few conclusions I have drawn:

1. They are very angry about something. They are not entirely certain exactly what makes them angry, but something should be done about it.

2. They are a math challenged group. They apparently believe that their membership rolls encompass 99% of the American people.

3. They are a grammar, capitalization, and punctuation challenged group. One of their mottos must be, “When in doubt, use an apostrophe!”

4. They have an interesting definition of nonviolence. From their website, “We are using the revolutionary Arab Spring tactic to achieve our ends and encourage the use of nonviolence to maximize the safety of all participants.” The estimated death toll of this wonderfully nonviolent model (according to the Arab Spring article to which they linked!) is between 30,000 and 38,000 people killed.

5. Personal hygiene is not a problem for them. (The rest of Manhattan perhaps, but not them.)

I really feel bad for them, so I have decided to help them out with a simple single plank platform (Provided in my own estimation of their vernacular):


1. Greedy People Suck! - You know, like, that really old dude with the really hot younger wife that played in that movie about Wall Street, you know, Wall Street? You know, he was like totally wrong. Greed isn’t good. Greed sucks! You know, like, since greed really sucks (Get ready for the jump in logic. I hope it isn’t too much for them.) and some people are like greedy? So you know, like, greedy people must suck!

Whew! I hope that doesn’t overtax their Starbucks drinking, texting, tweeting, facebooking, entitled little brains. After a few days of letting that percolate in the mush left behind by the indoctrination of our wonderfully unbiased institutes of higher learning, I may help them out by defining what constitutes a greedy person.

Until that time dear readers, I will leave you with a little hint: Almost all greedy people have one thing in common…. Can you guess what it is? An autographed SACSTW (Sahib and Crew Save the World) t-shirt to the first commenter with the correct guess!



Article first published as Moonbats Over Manhattan on Technorati.