Just when The Crew and I had thought we had heard the last of Cavernous Trachea, it happened again. I was pulling the daily school planner out of Sahib Jr.'s backpack and I found an envelope addressed to SACSTW. In the envelope was a letter with a post-it-note on it. The post-it-note said, "Hello gentlemen! Here is the latest missive from Dear Leader Obama to his hero and inspiration, Karl Marx. Enjoy! Your friend, CT " This was the letter enclosed:
Dear Karl,
I don't care what anyone says! I did NOT have another "episode". Maybe my celebration was a little excessive, but once again my actions were misinterpreted. I probably shouldn't have done my Yosemite Sam imitation, snatched that Secret Service agent's gun out of his holster, and started shooting holes into the ceiling of the Oval Office, but I was just so darn excited. Things are really starting to come together.
Joe hasn't said anything incredibly stupid in the last 24 hours. (I wonder if he's in the country.) Moochelle is planning another vacation and is going to be on Leno so she hasn't been nagging me about smoking. The republicans are beating the crap out of each other in the primaries. Breitbart's death has delayed the release of his "Obama Gone Wild" video series at least for a while. Life is good! But you know what Karl? That's not what really has me revved up. I have accomplished two things I thought would never happen in my presidency.
My two biggest enemies, Rush Limbaugh and Benjamin Netanyahu, have really screwed the pooch. I think I've really snowed Bibi about Iran. I think I've lulled him into complacency by repeating "Give negotiations a chance! Give sanctions a chance!" over and over again. I never thought he would buy it, but I believe he has. He has to keep the rhetoric up to assuage his constituency, but I think I can stall him long enough that Iran will have nukes before Israel feels they have to preemptively strike. I am SO smart. But he's just the little Satan. I've scored my biggest victory against the Great Satan, Rush Limbaugh.
I can't believe Rush fell for DNC plant, "23" year old Sandra Fluke. I mean it was SOOOO obvious. She's a Cornell graduate for Pete's sake, and that's where I "went" to college. (Hee, hee, hee) Wait, no, I "went" to Columbia. Oh well, whatever. She was perfect with her "cherished" friend who lost her ovary due to the pernicious policies of the Georgetown administration. I can't believe no one thought to ask why such a champion of female contraceptive rights wouldn't chip in a few bucks a month to help a "cherished" friend in dire medical straights. Or why didn't her anonymous friend go to Planned Parenthood or any of the multiple free clinics in DC? Stupid conservatives. And then Rush takes the bait hook, line, and sinker by calling her a slut and prostitute. I couldn't get the talking points off the Media Matters fast enough. Five dollar a gallon gas, trafficking guns to Mexican drug cartels, the Volt going belly up, more "green" energy companies propped up by federal loans failing, who cares? Rush obliquely called someone a slut. This has been the best week ever.
Well Karl, I have to go. The doctors won't give me any more of those B12 shots that make me feel so good. Eric Holder has to sneak them to me down in the kitchen. If I don't take them, my unicorn, Stanley, doesn't show up for our evening rides on the South Lawn. Thanks for letting me share my awesome news with you.
Your friend,
BarryI dug through Sahib Jr.'s backpack looking for more clues as to the identity of Cavernous Trachea. All I found were some gumdrops in the bottom of his backpack. Sahib Jr. hates gumdrops. Hmmmmm....
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