Edict from the Soda Nazi: No Big Gulp for You!

Ministry of Plenty
Department of Healthy Food Initiatives

EDICT----EDICT----EDICT----EDICT

Press release - MOPDOHFI - 31 May 2012

The Ministry of Plenty Department of Healthy Food Initiatives has decreed that the people of New York City are TOO FAT!  The Baron of New York, Michael Bloomberg, is tired of watching the gelatinous masses walk past the windows of his ivory tower.  Effective immediately, all sugary drinks exceeding 16 ounces are expressly VERBOTTEN!

The Baron has stated that since the proles... errr... people are too stupid to make the correct decisions concerning their dietary habits, he will mandate healthy habits for them.   He echoed earlier sentiments of Food Czar Sam Kass (formerly titled Sandwich Nazi, but they ran into copyright issues with Seinfeld), "The government must ensure that every little girl drinks, by force if necessary, beverages we deem to be nutritious regardless of parental wishes.  It is crucial that every little girl grows up healthy so that she can make the correct decision later in life to abort unwanted children because it is not the government's role to tell women what they should do with their bodies."

Failure to comply with this edict will result in $200 fines, compulsory invitation to one of Minister Holder's reeducation camps, and/or in extreme cases, season tickets to the New Jersey Nets.  The Baron also hinted at future edicts banning tobacco, alcohol, foods that fail to meet Muslim Halal standards, extreme sports, and  the viewing of Fox News.  As it is written, so mote it be.


Reminder:  We have always been at war with Eurasia


You can view the article that prompted this edict here.

Obama Grilled By Joe Friday On Lost Episode Of Dragnet!

Many thanks to the Crew's brother for pointing out this great video.....

Seriously Barry, just the facts.......

MSNBC: Fallen Soldiers are Not Heroes

UP with Chris Hayes Panel Argues Fallen Soldiers are not Heroes

Chris, I dare you and your pack of freaks to tell this woman this man wasn't a hero!

As The Crew is ensconced at the SACSTW hidden Ozark command bunker today, I am taking over for him and his Monday Musings.  I was planning on doing a nice Memorial Day piece.  But yesterday, I heard about some guy who does a show on MSNBC called "Up with Chris Hayes".  Chris and a pack of liberal loonies debated that fallen soldiers should not be classified as "heroes". Apparently, they feel that giving your life in defense of your nation and fellow citizens does not necessarily elevate you to hero status.  You can view the video clips on The Blaze story about this pack of left-wing ingrates here.

I guess the liberal definition of hero is reserved for people who "sacrifice" for a cause that liberals believe in.  Such heroic figures as Sandra Fluke, Al Sharpton, and our Dear Leader Barack Hussein Obama.  I dare Chris and his progressive buddies to tell the woman in the picture above that the man on whose grave she is mourning wasn't a hero.  Of course that would require the courage and guts to stand up for what you believe.  Something that Chris and his fellow wormy buddies in their nice safe television studio wouldn't understand.

The Crew and I would like to thank families of all the soldiers who have paid the ultimate sacrifice to defend our nation and keep it free.  You are in our thoughts and prayers.  We would also like to thank the soldiers currently putting themselves in harms way.  You are in our prayers as well.  I would like to personally thank the following parents whose boys I have had the honor to coach for their service: Chris D., Carla and David C., Phil V., Michelle and Steve E., Steve M., Scott H., Scott R., and Jason C.  It truly has been an honor to coach your sons.  Happy Memorial Day to you all.

Oh, and Mr. Hayes, I would like to give you a message from all these people:  "UP" yours.

Hollywood HOs: Roseanne and Larry Flynt

Hollywood HOs

It's two for one this week at SACSTW for our Hollywood HOs winner.  The revered and august publisher of Hustler Magazine, Larry Flynt and the dainty and delicate Roseanne Barr are this week's co-winners due to both of their treatments of conservative commentator and talk show host S.E. Cupp.

Larry Flynt, NOT Roseanne!

Bastion of good taste, Mr. Flynt, publishes a photoshopped picture of Ms. Cupp ostensibly engaging in felatio.  As we listened to crickets from women's rights activists, with the partial exception of Robin Morgan, The effervescent Roseanne Barr weighed in with:

"your defense of women who hate women is more disgusting than putting pics of penises in their mouths, excuse me! "

And this:

 "it's a hard call, but defending the indefensible is not a common sense thing-it leads to lemming-like thought patterns IMO"

And finished up with:

"what goes around seems to come around."

Who can forget her elegant rendition of the National Anthem?

 As one commenter put it:  "I can only imaging the howling if this had been Moochelle Obama!"

Thank you Roseanne.  I didn't think it possible to find someone with less class than Larry Flynt.

Have a great and safe holiday weekend everyone!  I am off to coach Sahib Jr.'s soccer team and The Crew is off to the SACSTW secret command bunker hidden deep in the Ozarks.  We'll catch up with you early next week!

Rush and Hitler, One and the Same??

For 24 years, the left has been gnashing their teeth and wadding their britches over Rush Limbaugh.  One of their favorite narratives is the "Rush is the new Hitler" fable.  That particular bit of nastiness recently cropped up again in a letter to the editor of the Examiner, a daily newspaper in Independence, MO.  You can read the letter in its grotesque entirety here.  A couple excerpts should give you the jist of the letter, and are provided below:

"Back in the 1930s, there was a man who began spouting hatred against other people. Folks must have thought “Oh well, it doesn’t affect me, so they didn’t say anything.” Even the folks being maligned didn’t say anything. Maybe they thought thoughts about Free Speech and such so went on their way, living their lives, ignoring the hatred speeches. After awhile, the man had a following and that following grew. Good people continued to ignore it, not imagining that it could ever go anywhere, perhaps thinking it would die out. Well it didn’t, and millions of people were incinerated in ovens." 

"Some are speaking out against Limbaugh's hate rhetoric.  Others are ignoring it, thinking thoughts of free speech, thinking it can not possibly go anywhere or affect them in any way.  Have we as intelligent knowledgeable people learned from what happened in World War 2?  Is it our duty to stand up and speak out against hatred speeches like Limbaugh's?  ..........................................

It's time to do something about radio hosts using their positions to spread hate........

SACSTW was made aware of this letter by loyal reader Jeff W, who subscribes to the paper in question.  Jeff wrote a guest column in the Examiner yesterday in response to the letter, and was kind enough to allow SACSTW to run that column here.........

**originally published in the Examiner, May 23, 2012**

Ah, the tired old "Rush Limbaugh is Hitler" theory has reared its ugly head again , this time from JanMarie Sajna.  According to Ms. Sajna, Rush's "bigoted hate rhetoric" should be removed from the airwaves forthwith.  To do otherwise invites another Holocaust according to her twisted logic.  Noticeably lacking from her letter was the one thing ALWAYS lacking when lefty bomb-throwers get their reticle on Rush.....examples of his "hatred speech".  I'll wager that like most of her ilk, Ms. Sajna has never listened to Rush's show for any length of time.  They simply regurgitate what they have been force-fed by paragons of truth like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Barack Obama.  Very predictable and trite Ms. Sajna, can't the left come up with anything innovative with which to attack Rush?  Actually, I would suppose that many victims of the Holocaust and their families might find you comparing the man who caused their suffering to a radio talk-show host quite deplorable.


You urge us to stop assuming and check the facts.  I have checked and rechecked your letter, and can find only unfounded opinion, historical inaccuracies, and ad-hominem attacks.  Hitler began his vile rise to power long before the 1930's.  In fact, it began in 1919 when he joined what would become the Nazi Party.  In 14 years, he had become Chancellor of Germany.  In another 12 years, he had steamrolled an entire continent, murdered millions of civilians, and died by his own hand.  By contrast, in his 24 year career as a public figure, Rush has helped thousands enjoy economic prosperity, entertained tens of millions, and murdered exactly no one. I suppose if Rush is the next Hitler in your world, he better pick up the pace! 

Here are a couple things you might not know about Rush Limbaugh.  He recently completed the 22nd consecutive year of his Radiothon for Leukemia and Lymphoma.  Over the course of those 22 years, Rush and his listeners have donated over 30 million dollars to aid in the fight against leukemia and lymphoma.  Rush's personal donations to the Radiothon total $900,000 in the last two years alone.   In addition, Rush made a 2.1 million dollar donation in 2007 to the Marine Corps and Law Enforcement Foundation, which benefits the children of Marines and law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.  In September of 2009, Rush donated $500,000 to the House Ear Institute in memory of the physician who helped save his hearing.  Rush also makes numerous other charitable donations that never see the light of day, he does it because he believes it to be the right thing, not because he wants the publicity.  Now I admit this next point is purely a guess on my part, but I'm pretty sure that Rush doesn't earmark his charitable donations "for whites only".  

Take a few minutes and think about all the other businesses that have blossomed since 1988 under the benevolent glow of Rush's golden microphone.  Heck, he singlehandedly saved the entire talk-radio industry.  Hundreds of AM radio stations with thousands of employees owe their success in large part to Rush Limbaugh.  I'm going to guess again that many of those employees are minorities that Rush supposedly "hates".  Countless companies both national and local have seen sales skyrocket when they advertise on the Excellence in Broadcasting Network.  My keen intuition leads me to believe that those companies are not 100% Caucasian either.  The Rush Limbaugh Radio Show is truly a rising tide that lifts all ships.  

Finally Ms. Sajna, I have a challenge for you and anyone else who read your letter and thought "You go girl, Rush is as bad as Hitler!".  Listen to his show for at least 60 minutes every day for two weeks.  Since you probably don't know, he is on KMBZ 980 AM from 11:00 am to 2:00 pm Monday through Friday.  Write down every example of "bigoted hate rhetoric" you hear, and record them in the comments section for this letter at www.examiner.net for all of us to see.  Here's your chance to prove me wrong.

Chuck Woolery on Term Limits

Time to "Chuck" out career politicians.  Great American and SACSTW favorite Chuck Woolery weighs in on congressional term limits:

A Texas-Sized Typo!

Ahh, graduation season.  The time when Mom and Dad can visit good old State U., and see how little Johnny has been spending all that money.  It's all very classy on campus, beautiful flower arrangements, everyone dressed to the nines, an event program handed out that will become a cherished keepsake.........

Uhh, maybe not for parents attending the University of Texas graduation ceremony this past weekend.  Here is the program they received.................

And all along I  thought the Presidential School of Pubic Affairs was at the University of Arkansas!  This brings a whole new meaning to "Texas Longhorn"!

Read Eric Pfeiffer's article at Yahoo.

Bob Hope on Zombie Democrats!

Thanks to The Conservative Hammer for pointing out this clip.....

NC Teacher: Don't You Dare Dis Chicago Jesus!

In another shining example of the quality of our public school systems, a teacher at North Rowan High School in Salisbury, North Carolina has declared it is OK to question Mitt Romney's past, but not Obama's.  The teacher was not named in the Salisbury Post article, but her opinions about the legalities of criticizing a sitting president should be enshrined in civics educational lore.  (Not to mention her take on the administration of Miranda rights or the lack thereof) You can listen to her dulcet voice and her political expertise in the video below:

With teachers like this wonderful woman, I'm amazed that the US hasn't rocketed to the number one ranking  in education world-wide.  But she shouldn't worry, if she loses her job in North Carolina, she can always find a job in the KCMO school district.

Monday Musings With The Crew

• Judges, court staff, and attorneys involved in the U.S. Ninth District Court of Appeals are planning a hootenanny this summer on Maui, and you and I are expected to foot the bill.  Looks like taxpayers will be on the hook for about a cool million according to Big Government.  At first I was steamed, as I usually am when government elitists take another hit of OPM (Other People's Money).  Then I reconsidered.  Anything that we can do to keep the judges of the Ninth out of the courtroom is money well spent.  Party on Judge!

• Remember Abdel Baset al-Megrahi?  Convicted of the Pan Am Lockerbie bombing that killed 270 people, al-Megrahi received a life sentence in the Scottish court system.  Unbelievably, the Scots released him in 2009 after he served only 8 years on humanitarian issues.  You see, the killer had prostate cancer, and had only a few days to weeks left to live when he was released August 20, 2009.  He returned to a hero's welcome in Libya, and went on to live in a villa in Tripoli.  Well, the monster who had only weeks to live in the summer of 2009, died yesterday, May 20, 2012.  This terrorist enjoyed 33 months of life and freedom that he didn't deserve.  What a great world!

• The whole "Trayvon Martin as a beatific cherub" narrative is slowly crumbling down around the ears of the race-baiters.  George Zimmerman's broken nose, his lacerated scalp, his 14 cries for help recorded on a 911 call, witness statements that indicated "the guy in the hoodie was beating the other guy MMA style", illegal drugs in Martin's system, would suggest to all but the most dogged of race-baiters that George Zimmerman shot Trayvon Martin in self-defense.  There, I said it.  

• Ladies and Gentlemen......The BeeGee!   Sadly, the brothers Gibb are down to one with the death of Robin Gibb over the weekend at age 62.  Coupled with the death of disco queen Donna Summer last week, it has been a very bad few days for pop icons of the '70s.  The BeeGees and Summer were both monumental talents who produced the teen soundtrack for many of our lives.  They will be sorely missed.

Hey, Sahib and I have that same jacket!

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Hollywood HOs Winner: Sarah Silverman Edges John (t)Ravolta

Hollywood HOs

Deciding this week's Hollywood HOs winner was exceedingly difficult.  I spent countless seconds trying to decide between John (t)Ravolta and Sarah Silverman.  It came down to the fact that propriety and decorum prevent me from writing any of my thoughts about the plethora of John (t)Ravota stories on a family friendly blog.

So without further adieu, this week's Hollywood HOs winner is the ever-classy Sarah Silverman.

Such a classy lady!

I know Ms. Silverman is a D-lister at best, but her tweet about the Tea Party could not go unrewarded. She had this to say:

"The Tea Party is just a (female pubic) hair away from being the Westboro Baptist Church ~ Maya Angelou"

For those of you unfamiliar with the Westboro Baptist Church, it is the church in Topeka, Kansas founded by Fred Phelps that protests fallen servicemen's funerals with protest signs that are beyond vile.  When judgement day arrives, Fred Phelps is in for a very rude awakening. What Maya Angelou has to do with Ms. Silverman's tweet, only her fevered brain could say.

Thank you Ms. Silverman for keeping up the proud tradition of venomous hatred perpetrated by previous Hollywood HOs winners Ellen Barkin, Jane Fonda, and Cher.

OK.  I can't resist.  Just one John (t)Ravolta joke:  "I guess Sandy's leather pants were just too tight so Danny had to settle for Kenickie's."  Mom, please forgive me.

Time Machine Missing? Is Romney Responsible?

Doc Brown's got nuthin' on SACSTW !

Stop me if this starts to sound familiar..... The Republican Party nominates a man to run against Barack Obama for the Presidency of the United States.  Many conservatives within the GOP are unhappy, doubting the nominee's commitment to the conservative ideals of limited government, personal responsibility, and fiscal restraint.

In a futile attempt to head-off the left's race baiters, the nominee boldly declares that Jeremiah Wright, Obama's poisonous pastor of 20 years, should not be an issue in the campaign.  Indeed, the nominee pronounces his repudiation of those who would make Obama's decades long relationship with the anti-semitic, racist, and anti-American Wright a talking point on the campaign trail.

You remember that nominee right?  In case you have forgotten him, maybe this will remind you.....

You know why you forgot him?   BECAUSE HE LOST!  He wasn't willing to do what it took to prevent an evil man from becoming President of the United States.  He wanted to take the high road, and allowed the left's predators to shred his Vice-Presidential pick in the most disgusting way.

Imagine my consternation when I heard Mittens spewing the same sort of holier-than-thou garbage yesterday.  In a flash, the answer came to me.....Romney had somehow breached security at SACSTW headquarters and hijacked our time machine.  Maybe he was trying to get back to those high school days and apologize to the kid who got the haircut.  Maybe he wanted to go back in time to get the dog out of that cartop carrier.   Regardless, he apparently only made it back to 2008.

In a flash I alerted Sahib to the intrusion, and we made our way to the SACSTW laboratory, dreading the loss of our prize time machine.  Relief flooded over us like the warm glow of fine bourbon as we saw the chronological conveyance secure in its garage bay.

With the time machine safe and sound, I wondered what could possibly explain Romney's following the same losing playbook as John McCain?  Then I remembered......he's the hand-picked candidate of the mainstream media....Doh!

LA Sheriff's Dept.: Get a Tat? Get Suspended!

Only in the Peoples Republic of California

Anti-gang task force police officers in major metropolitan areas live harrowing lives.  According to the LA Times:  "The Gang Enforcement Team in Los Angeles is divided into two platoons of relatively autonomous deputies who target neighborhoods where gang violence is high, locate armed gang members and take their guns away."


Let me repeat that in case you missed it:  Locate armed gang members and take their guns away...


I'm sure this is a relatively simple task.  Undoubtedly, the officers go into the gang neighborhoods, ask the first passerby the location of the nearest gang clubhouse, knock on the clubhouse door, and the gang members meekly surrender their guns.


I guess with lives of such relative ease, it's only fair that several members of the Los Angeles Gang Enforcement Team are having to experience some minor difficulties.  Like getting suspended. According to a LA Times story, seven members of the team have been suspended for belonging to a clique called the Jump Out Boys and getting a tattoo of the image above.

"The design of the tattoo, confirmed by two sources, includes an oversize skull with a wide, toothy grimace and glowing red eyes. A bandanna wraps around the skull, imprinted with the letters "OSS" — representing Operation Safe Streets, the name of the larger unit that the Gang Enforcement Team is part of. A bony hand clasps a revolver. Investigators suspect that smoke is tattooed over the gun's barrel after a member is involved in a shooting."

After reading this, I thought:  "Oh my goodness!  Tattoos with a 'toothy grimace and glowing red eyes'! Los Angeles deputies must be running around shooting gang members willy-nilly."  Just after that thought, I read this quote:

"Sources say there is no evidence that deputies alleged to be in the clique have been involved in improper shootings or other misconduct. But the new revelations have heightened concerns."

WOW!  The LASD has some pretty rigid standards if "heightened concerns" are grounds for investigation and suspension.  I can hear the libs now, "But Sahib!  It is possible that they add smoke to the gun tattoo after a shooting!"

Really?  GOOD!  These guys have a crap job (conditions, not the job mission) and put their lives on the line every day.  If they want to create a support group and get matching tats, more power to them. The LASD brass would be far better served in finding ways to help and support them than looking for ways to punish them.

Good luck Jump Out Boys and watch your backs.  The gangs aren't the only ones after you.  You are in Sahib and The Crew's thoughts and prayers. 

Obama Letter to Karl Marx: Cavernous Trachea is Back!

Tonight after Sahib Jr. Jr.'s baseball game, I picked up his bat bag to put his mitt away.  In the bottom I found the now familiar envelope with a note attached.  It said:  "Things are getting tense in the White House. Obama is starting to lose it. Here's his latest letter to Karl M.  Your friend, CT".  This was the letter:

Dear Karl,

Where to begin?  Who can blame me for going after Joe this time?  I mean who hasn't, in a fit of anger, at least once grabbed a rocket launcher from a Secret Service agent and taken a shot at their bane of existence?  I'm having to dictate this letter to my faithful unicorn, Stanley, because they've tucked me into bed kind of tight.  The doctors said something about not untucking me until I read some new Marvel comic.  I think they said it was about Thor.  Kind of a catchy title.  They called it a Thorazine.  

I just don't know what has happened.  My life has gone in the crapper faster than a Kim Kardashian marriage. One minute all the Republican candidates are beating on each other like British soccer hooligans after a loss to France, and the next I'm trailing Mitt Romney in the polls by three points!  

Things were looking so good.  My dear fictitious children, Sandra Fluke and Trayvon Martin, were providing me great press opportunities and deflecting the attention of the proletariat masses from the crippling debt, massive unemployment, and horrible economy with which I have gifted the country.  I was being celebrated for the one year anniversary of my killing of Osama Bin Laden.  And I had just about convinced everyone that the Buffet Rule would correct the rich not paying their "fair share".  Now look what's happened.  Has anyone ever has as bad as luck as me?  (I think it's a Rush Limbaugh plot!)

• The unedited photos of George Zimmerman leaked out showing the gashes on the back of his head. 

• The right-wing media found out that Sandra Fluke really wasn't a doe-eyed 24 year old co-ed, but a 30 year old feminist activist. 

• Charlie Sheen took my Secret Service agents out for a night on the town in Columbia. 

• Eric Holder is getting reamed in the congressional hearings over Fast and Furious. 

• The American public seems to think that Seal Team 6 was responsible for Osama Bin Laden's demise and not me. 

•  Some moron left the mike on when I was visiting with my good buddy Dmitry Medvedev about how "flexible" I can be after next year's election.

• Village idiot Joe Biden can't wait for the convention to unveil my support of gay marriage.

• People have figured out that we're fudging the numbers on unemployment and it's really not going down.

• Someone noticed my creative editing of the official White House presidential biographies  where I've added my fantastic accomplishment to every president's bio since Calvin Coolidge. (Ford doesn't count since he was never actually elected.)

Why is everyone conspiring against me?  I just can't be a one term president.  Maybe I can start another war.  It worked for Bush.  Oh well, I better go.  Those pretty colors swirling around the ceiling are too much fun to ignore.  Thanks for being there for me Karl!

Your friend,

Barry

As usual, I checked the surrounding area for clues as to Cavernous Trachea's identity.  I did find one strange thing.  Hoof-prints near the dugout.  Hmmmm.....

I Can't Believe Obama Did That! (Really)

I keep finding myself say this over and over...

I honestly believe Obama would try and pull this off...

Every day I read a story about the shameless audacity of Dear Leader Barack Hussein Obama and every day I think, "Really, he can't go any farther than that!"  Every day I am proved wrong.

In something right out of Soviet era revisionist history, the Obama administration has added little Obama pearls of wisdom to the official White House biographies of every president since Calvin Coolidge (with the odd exception of Gerald Ford).

You can read the Town Hall article here.

Now devoted SACSTW readers, you know I occasionally have been known to indulge in a little hyperbole, but I say this with perfect sincerity....

I have never seen, heard, or read about (with the possible exception of Lyndon Johnson) any American president who has acted with less decorum and shown less respect for the office of the president than Barack Hussein Obama.  The perfect adjective for him is truly.... SHAMELESS

Black Bishop Slams Chris Matthews

The SACSTW Time Machine Returns

Chris (Tingles) Matthew's new tattoo.

Back in January, the SACSTW Physics Department put the finishing touches on our new time machine prototype.  Unfortunately, it was only operational long enough to let us see a partial Chris Matthews' interview with Barack Obama after Tim Tebow is inaugurated as president next January. 

The good news is that the boys in R&D got the time machine back up and running.  The bad news is that we used it for another Chris (Tingles) Matthews interview.  This time however; we went back in time instead of forward. In fact we went back just one day to help Bishop Harry Jackson prepare for his Chris Matthews Hardball interview.

Harry Jackson is a black bishop who has spoken out against gay marriage and was on Hardball yesterday.  Many of you have read about it or seen the video clip.  But for those of you who missed it, here are the highlights:

TINGLES MATTHEWS: Do you think he (Jesus) would have been chasing after the kid with long hair and cutting his hair or he would have been the one protecting the kid with long hair in high school?

BISHOP HARRY JACKSON: He would have been protecting the kid with long hair.

MATTHEWS: Right. I thought so. But you're with the guy who was going after the kid with long hair.

JACKSON: No, no, no. I'm not necessarily with him right now.

MATTHEWS: Oh, you're not with Romney?

JACKSON: I'm not with Romney at this point. I want to say something about righteousness and justice. The Bible talks very clearly about how righteousness, which is like personal morality and holiness. It also talks about justice. What's broken in American politics is that the Democrats think they own social justice. The Republicans think they own righteousness, but the Bible doesn't take righteousness or justice, it takes righteousness and justice.

Later in the interview 

JACKSON: Why not let the Muslims have polygamy and bigamy?

MATTHEWS: Mr. Bishop, I hope you evolve. Thank you very much. I'm just teasing.

JACKSON: That's all right.

The Crew and I zipped back to yesterday morning before the interview and filled in Bishop Jackson on what to expect from Tingles Matthews.  This is how the interview went the second time:

TINGLES MATTHEWS: Do you think he (Jesus) would have been chasing after the kid with long hair and cutting his hair or he would have been the one protecting the kid with long hair in high school?

BISHOP HARRY JACKSON: He (Jesus) would have been protecting the kid with long hair.  He also would have been with the little girl that President Obama pushed and bullied when he was in school. And with all the babies murdered by abortions whole-heartedly supported by President Obama.  And with the millions of people who have lost their jobs and gone on food stamps since Obama became president.

MATTHEWS: Uhhhhhhh. But you're with the guy who was going after the kid with long hair.

JACKSON: Yes, there is absolutely no way I could ever again support Barack Obama for president.  

MATTHEWS: Oh, you're with Romney?

JACKSON: I'm with Romney at this point. I want to say something about righteousness and justice. The Bible talks very clearly about how righteousness, which is like personal morality and holiness. It also talks about justice. What's broken in American politics is that the Democrats think they own social justice. The Republicans think they own righteousness, but the Bible doesn't take righteousness or justice, it takes righteousness and justice.

Later in the interview  

JACKSON: Why not let the Muslims have polygamy and bigamy?

MATTHEWS: Mr. Bishop, I hope you evolve. Thank you very much. I'm just teasing.

JACKSON: Evolve into what Chris?  Evolve into the man (BHO) you so clearly adore?  Evolve into a man who doesn't have to guts to stand for his convictions except when they're politically expedient?  A man that was for gay marriage, then against gay marriage, and now for it again?  This man is the top of your evolutionary pyramid?

MATTHEWS: Uhhhh, that's all we have time for today.  Thank you very much.  I'm now going  back to my dressing room to curl up into the fetal position.  

Wow, am I glad we have a time machine!  That was really fun.  Unfortunately, it's really expensive to run so devoted SACSTW readers might have to wait a while before we can fire it up again.

Bugs Bunny: Zionist, Racist, Dept. of Defense Agent!

See how lazy the Zionist pig is?

My heart is just broken again and again!  First I found out that Barbie and Lego Friends were crimes committed against women world-wide.  Now, I find out that my beloved Bugs Bunny is a Zionist, racist, agent of the Department of Defense. (I wasn't quite clear which Department of Defense, but think it was ours.)

CAIR board member and Palestinian-American attorney, Lamis Deek, has declared JIHAD on the venerable cartoon character Bugs Bunny.  She had this to say about him:

"In Bugs Bunny, which we used to watch, they would sometimes bring a character pretending to be an Arab Muslim Sultan. He has a potbelly, and he spends most of his time sitting around and eating, indulging in women day and night, and killing people."

Not to get off on a tangent, but I'm not sure why Bugs had to "bring in a character pretending to be an Arab Muslim Sultan", a real one probably would have sufficed.

I just don't know what to do or where to turn.  What's next?  Barney & Friends are agents for the Mossad?  Dora the Explorer is clear cutting the rain-forest to make room for her new mansion?  Fred and Barney invented the internal combustion engine leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs?

I just don't know what is real anymore.

*Editor's note:  You can check out the full story and video of Ms. Deek here.


h/t sophie44 at www.blazingcatfur.blogspot.com

Monday Musings With The Crew

The good news is that it is time for another edition of Monday Musings!

• A man in an Idaho Wal-Mart picked up what he thought was a stick in the garden department.  The stick turned out to be a rattlesnake that delivered a severe bite to his hand, necessitating a trip to the ER and 6 bags of anti-venin.  Perhaps 47 year old Mica Craig should have been in the optometry department instead of lawn and garden if he mistook a rattlesnake for a "stick".  By the way, I didn't know they had rattlesnakes in China.

• Speaking of snake-handling, the PA announcer for the NBA's Oklahoma City Thunder was removed from his job last week.  Jim Miller was arrested Thursday on charges that he forced 3 children to watch him masturbate.  Looks like Jerry Sandusky has some company in the Sports Creep Hall of Fame.  

Very Fabulous Barry!

• Does anyone remember when Time and Newsweek were respected outlets for reportage and analysis of important world news?  Yeah, me neither.  In a desperate attempt to outdo Time's lactating hottie cover, Newsweek has breathlessly proclaimed Barack Obama to be "The First Gay President".  Not sure how that is going to play back at the madrassah, but the rainbow halo was a nice touch.

• In a Mother's Day interview with NewsOne.com, Rev. Al Sharpton related stories of his mother Ada.  In part, the good Rev. said that his mom "believed in me when it didn't make sense".  Huh.  I must have missed that 37 seconds of time when it did make sense to believe in Al Sharpton.  Seriously, this may be the guy that gets my goat more than any other.  A posturing, prevaricating race-baiter extraordinaire, Al Sharpton represents everything that is wrong with the left.  How he went from Tawana Brawley to a supposedly respected voice of the black liberal establishment is astonishing.  Please read this if you are wondering who Tawana Brawley is.

• Lisa Marie Presley has a new album out, Storm and Grace.  Elvis's daughter says this album "is more me".  Check please!

Duck in the Blues Brothers era..

• Finally today....more sad news from the world of music.  Donald "Duck" Dunn passed away in his sleep after performing in Japan over the weekend.  Dunn was 70 years old.  One of the greatest bass guitarists of all time,  Dunn was best known to the general public as a member of The Blues Brothers band.  

Mitt Bullies and Obama Bribes

MSM Feels a Haircut is Worse than Hush Money

Keep smiling for the camera while I slip you this check.

I love Google!  In the last week there have been two stories about disturbing behavior.  One about a high school kid who picked on another kid almost 50 years ago.  One about a presidential candidate who "allegedly" attempted to bribe his pastor into silence less than four years ago.  Curious about the media coverage of these two stories, I ran these two Google searches:  "Mitt bullies boy in high school" and "Obama bribes Wright".

The following are the results from "serious" news outlets from the Mitt search:

"The Evolution of Mitt Romney and other High School Bullies" - Philadelphia Inquirer
"Might Mitt Romney not remember if he bullied someone in high school?" - Christian Science Monitor
"Does Mitt Romney still have a high school bully inside?" - LA Times
"Romney Accused of Prep School Bullying" - NY Times
"Mitt Romney's hijinks seen as bullying today" - Albany Times Union

The following are the results from "serious" news outlets from the Obama/Wright search:

"Obama Bribe: Reverend Wright says he was offered bribe to stay silent" - WGN TV
"Obama team tried to 'bribe' Jeremiah Wright to keep quiet" - NY Post

There has been great weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth over a hair cut that Romney gave some kid 50 years ago.  There has been almost total silence over Obama attempting to pay hush money less than four years ago, and the source for the story isn't some friend of a friend of a friend.  It is no other than Reverend Wright himself in an interview with Edward Klein.

No conservative would ever be surprised over the lack of mainstream media coverage concerning a little faux pas from their Dear Leader, but I would personally be embarrassed if I really considered myself a true journalist.  Of course, embarrassment implies that one has a conscience and self-awareness.  Something apparently sorely lacking in most MSM "journalists".

Weekly Hollywood HOs Winner: Cher

Hollywood HOs

We had several good candidates for this week's Hollywood HOs winner.  We had Sean Penn's mind-boggling interpretation of the constitution and we had this week's Clooney-Obama lovefest (John Travolta's invitation was withdrawn) to raise money for Dear Leader's reelection campaign.

No, this week's winner is perennial bastion of grace, good-taste, and decorum.... Cher!   She had this to say about presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney:

“If ROMNEY gets elected I don’t know if I can breathe same air as Him & his Right Wing Racist Homophobic Women Hating Tea Bagger Masters.”

Got to give the better hair award to Mitt.

None of this is surprising given that ad hominem attacks are simply daily tasks for the left. "Get up, take shower, get dressed, slander someone who doesn't agree with me."  What I find absolutely precious are the news stories about Cher "apologizing".  I saw a couple of them and thought here comes the standard, "I'm sorry if my words offended anyone.  Personal attacks have no place in the debate over the direction of the country."

WRONG!  She apologized to her Twitter followers NOT the person she slammed :

"Sorry 4 bringing Wrath of Kahn Lovelies," she tweeted Tuesday. "Feelings [are one] thing but no right 2 let mean spirit run free! Anger in heart made me turn back on Luv" 

As one of the founding fathers of  the White Heterosexual American Males Only! (WHAMO!) movement, I am deeply offended.  I am never buying another Cher CD or attending another Cher concert again in protest.  Wait... I never done either of those things before.  Oh well, everyone have a great weekend!

New Blog Page: You Were Warned!

The Crew and I have endeavored to keep SACSTW as family friendly as possible. However occasionally, the more colorful side of our humor insists on escaping.  Thus we have added a new page to our blog titled "You Were Warned!"

We thought this would be a better place to put our more ribald posts than on the main page.  While there will be nothing pornographic or profanity laden in these posts, the humor may be a little blue for readers particularly sensitive to those things.

Please feel free to check it out, but remember... You Were Warned!

Breaking News Alert- Will Democrats Need Brokered Convention?

Results of last night's West Virginia Democratic Primary have Republicans snickering and Dear Leader desperately trying to find something else to talk about, ie gay marriage, condoms, birth control, the kama sutra, etc.

In the glorious tradition of Crew fave Vermin Supreme, upstart candidate Keith Judd won 41% of the Democratic vote state-wide in West Virginia, and actually beat Dear Leader in 10 counties in the state!  Keith Judd is also known as Federal Inmate #11593-051, and currently is enjoying life in the federal penitentiary in Texarkana, TX!  The native of California is serving a 17 year sentence for extortion, but managed to come up with the $2500 filing fee to get on the West Virginia ballot.  What exactly do you have to do in the federal hoosegow to earn $2500?  The mind (as well as other body parts) shudder at the thought.  

It all adds up to a colossal embarassment for Dear Leader, and perhaps a glimpse into the "anybody but Obama" psyche of the American electorate.  I have dispatched the crack SACSTW research team to Texarkana in order to pin down Judd's platform, that is as long as the screws on Cell Block C will let us interview him.  

I think the Judd-Vermin ticket has a real future!  

Inmate Judd at his rightful place atop the ticket

We still love ya Vermin!

Breaking News Alert! Obama Backs Gay Marriage

In an interview with ABC News, President Obama has reversed his long-standing opposition to gay marriage, saying "...I've just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married".  Twisted sentence construction aside, does anyone really believe this represents a SHIFT in Obama's core beliefs?  Of course not.  It is nothing more than groveling for votes.  Given the current state of our union, it seems to be fiddling while the city burns.  

In other late-breaking developments today....

• The Kansas City Royals are awful

• Cold beer is good

• Grown men should not ride mopeds (ask Sahib about Flame sometime)

• SACSTW has joined the big time today, we received our very first SPAM comment!  

Chuck Woolery: Citizen Exchange Program

As always, SACSTW hero Chuck Woolery has the answer to our problems.

Ding Dong.....You're Ruined!

Perhaps the most terrifying 59 seconds ever captured on video.....

Any questions....?

Hijab for You, Hijab for Me, Hijab for Everybody!

Let's Make non-Muslim American Women Conform to Our Religious Beliefs

A defense attorney is asking a court to FORCE all women in the courtroom to wear hijabs.  Read that statement again.  A defense attorney is asking an American court to FORCE non-Muslim American women to dress in a manner consistent with the Muslim non-American DEFENDANTS' religious beliefs.  

Oh by the way, did I mention the defendants in these proceedings are the guys accused of planning the 9/11 killings of nearly 3,000 American citizens?  Yes, these are the preliminary hearings for KSM and his band of murderous thugs.

Defense attorney Cheryl Bormann, a non-Muslim, feels that typically clad American women would distract her clients and might cause them discomfort.  

Yes, Ms. Bormann.  Anything we can do you make your clients more comfortable, you just let us know.  You can read the Fox News article on the other courtroom antics of KSM and his all-girl review here.  Keep in mind.  Dear Leader Obama and his moronic AG Eric Holder wanted this circus held here in the US.   They wanted America on trial.

Monday Musings With The Crew

Yeah Homer, I know.  Mondays are tough.  At least you can count on another edition of Monday Musings With The Crew to lift your spirits and get your week off to a good start!  Here we go......

• Maybe all this talk about the United States losing its role as world leader and example for other countries was a little premature.  After all, France has followed the American model by electing a Socialist president, Francois Hollande, to replace the more conservative Nikolas Sarkozy.  Voter anger over "austerity measures" in Europe fueled the election of the first leftist in France since Mitterand left office in 1995.   Note to reader-  when you read the phrase "austerity measures", just think "desperate attempts to keep Europe from complete and total financial devastation and societal de-evolution".  The French electorate has just said "Screw that, let's get back to spending Other People's Money!".  Party on Francois!

Cast, flex, reel in.  Cast , flex, reel in....

• More good news from the head of state milieu.....Our old buddy Vladimir Putin has taken the oath of office for a new 6 year term as Russia's President.  Let's review....Putin became President in 2000, was term limited out in 2008.  At that time he became Prime Minister and his lapdog Dmitry Medvedev became "President".  What was Vlad's first official act as President Redux?  He nominated Medvedev to serve as his Prime Minister.  Isn't that cozy?  Seems like I remember reading some predictions about this somewhere.....

• From the "if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it" department...... A man exposed himself inside an office in Bucks County, PA last week.  We here at SACSTW don't usually comment on willy-waggers, typically we prefer more refined, sophisticated content.  However, this particular dingus-dangler very nearly committed the perfect, victimless crime.  He exposed himself inside the offices of the Bucks County Association for the Blind.  Unfortunately for our hero, the offices of the Association for the Blind are staffed by people who are not, in fact, blind.  I think when and if this desperado is finally caught, he should sue the association for misrepresentation!

• In what I believe is the 3rd sign of the Apocalypse, Saturday Night Live had a funny skit this weekend.  Host Eli Manning did a parody of Big Brothers that was worth a look...

Remember to follow us on Twitter, and like our Sahib and the Crew Save The World Facebook page!

Cavernous Trachea Bombshell! Is Obama the Antichrist?

Last night as I was (belatedly) preparing my motorcycle for the riding season, I opened a saddlebag to store my new registration and proof of insurance.  In the bottom was a USB flash drive with a note attached.  It said: "Dear Sahib and The Crew, I have gone to great lengths risking life and limbs to provide you with this audio recording of Dear Leader Obama and his inner circle.  Please share this with your readers.  The world must know!  Your friend, CT."  I immediately contacted The Crew. Below is a transcript of what we heard.  It is truly terrifying.

BHO:  Welcome everyone.  Before we get started, what does everyone think of my new tat?  What?  Isn't it obvious?  It's Warren Buffet and George Soros making out.  Pretty cool huh?  

OK, let's get down to business.  I've come up with a plan that will accomplish the vast majority of our goals in one fell swoop.  Yes Joe?  No you can't turn on the Cartoon Network.  Please pay attention.  Like I was saying, I have a new plan.  Here are the basics:

• It isn't fair that income tax is the only tax that is progressive, so we are making all taxes progressive.

• Charitable contributions to groups and organizations deemed discriminatory will be taxed.  The people making the charitable contributions will pay the tax, not the group or organization receiving the contributions.

• Financial transactions using currency and precious metals is out-dated and difficult for us to track.  I am eliminating physical US currency and making private ownership of precious metals illegal.  

Those are the basics.  We increase the number of people dependent on government support and play on their class envy by showing we are making the rich pay their fair share. This will also choke off funds to groups we find offensive and cause them to fade into oblivion. The masses will love it!  We'll be in power forever. Questions?  Yes Tim.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner (TG):   I get the gist of your plan, but am a little concerned how you plan to implement it.  Does everyone get like a government debit card that has their tax bracket and access to their financial accounts?  If so, how do we keep rich people from paying poor people to buy stuff for them using their lower bracket cards?  Also, what kind of groups would be considered "discriminatory"?

BHO:  Excellent questions Tim!  This is the beauty of my plan.  There are no cards. Each person has a programmable chip with their information embedded in their right hand.  If they don't have a right hand, it's embedded in their forehead.   No person-to-person financial transactions are allowed.  All payments for goods and services go through a federal transaction system.  Any suspicious transactions will be flagged and investigated. Violators will be imprisoned. 

As to your question about which groups would be considered discriminatory, the usual suspects.  You know the Boy Scouts, evangelical Christian denominations, the Salvation Army, the RNC etcetera, etcetera. Anyone else?  Yes, Hillary. 

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC):  I'm a little concerned about public response to your plan. Having been often referred to as Lucifer's mistress, usually by Bill but by others as well, I am uniquely sensitive to certain religious parallels being drawn.  Aren't you worried about people referring to the chips as "the mark of the beast"?

Deep, slow, chuckle from BHO

BHO:  I'm sure there will be a few religious whackos that will make that comparison, but it's not like we're making everyone get 666 tattoos. (Another chuckle) Next question. Yes, Debbie. 

DNC Chairperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (DWS):  How did you come up with the plan and what are you going to call the new federal agency to oversee it?

BHO:  The plan was told to me by the voice behind the glowing red... I mean I thought of it myself. The new agency will be called the department of  State Annuity Transactions And Numeration.

Well, that's enough questions for this evening.  We'll iron out the details later.  Stanley's (Obama's unicorn) been waiting patiently this whole time for our evening ride on the South Lawn.

This was the end of the recording.  After listening to the recording with The Crew, and waiting for my terror level to diminish, I went back out to my motorcycle to look for more clues as to CT's identity.  I noticed some drops of liquid that at first looked like motor oil.  On closer inspection, it was oil, but not motor oil.  I'm no expert, but I think it was crude oil.  Hmmmmm...

Leave the Boy Scouts Alone: Start the Rainbow Scouts!

Victim class activists have their unmentionables in a knot again over membership restrictions of a private organization.  First Vanderbilt Catholic was forced to drop Vanderbilt from their name after refusing to change their policy that only people who are CATHOLIC can run for leadership positions in their CATHOLIC student organization at Vanderbilt University.

Next we had our yearly "force Augusta National to allow women members" campaign at the Masters. I loved it ten years ago when the Masters said:  "Fine!  Don't worry about boycotting our commercial sponsors.  We'll just go commercial free."

This week another favorite whipping boy of the left is back in the spotlight.  It's an oldie but a goodie... the nefarious Boy Scouts.  The liberals in general and the GLBT wonks specifically are protesting, petitioning, weeping, and wailing over the ouster of a lesbian scout leader, Jennifer Tyrell, in Ohio.

Guess what?  There is nothing wrong with their protesting, petitioning, weeping, and wailing.  It is their right as Americans.  As it is also the right of the Boys Scouts, as a private organization, to determine membership requirements as they see fit.  I feel bad for Ms. Tyrell and her son.  I really do. However; she knew the membership restrictions when she signed up.  I fault the local scout leadership for telling her that it was OK.  News reports on the story state that "many" of the local troop members support her.  That's great.

It is highly unlikely that the Boy Scouts are going to change their stance on this issue.  The Supreme Court has ruled in their favor on this issue.  So I have a suggestion for Ms. Tyrell and all her supporters. Know what you can do?  It is your right.  No one can stop you.  You can start your OWN organization.  Call it the...... RAINBOW SCOUTS!  Set you own membership requirements.  Create your own programs and agendas.  No one is stopping you.  Just like you cannot force a different organization to adhere to your beliefs, no one can force your organization to adhere to their's.

It's the beauty of America.  The freedom to gather together with like-minded people and not have others' beliefs and morals forced upon you.  To get you started, I found a sample ad for your new group.  Maybe you can even use "In Your Heart Lives a Rainbow" as your motto.  It's your CHOICE.